Bubbin and Bibbin

I wish I was a kid again. No responsibility. No worries. And having the ability to carry off the most taboo of fashion accessories. The stuff you'd get criticized for wearing as an adult but cooed over and photographed (in a good way) if a child. Things like the humble bowtie. Matt Smiths Doctor tried and failed to make them cool, but it's only now I believe they're happening (alas only for kids) with the arrival of Bubbin and Bibbin. Quality handcrafted child sized bowties for a fiver. A fiver. For the bairn to look like a miniture timelord? Bargain.

Lads and Dads

Under Fives

Well, CP Under Sixteens for an under two. Jakey boy, who's partial to a bit of baby Ralph Lauren and also boasts a nice collection of Clarks, got his first bit of fine Italian sportswear recently. Lovely little purchase from eBay for less than the price of a stamp. 99p for as new CP Company zip up sweat.

England v France

Well that was better than expected eh? Roy Hodgson's Three Lions putting in a fairly solid performance against the French. Well taken goal by Lescott, Young and Welbeck bright as buttons up front, Parker running himself into the ground and Milner going close. Not a vintage performance by any means, old England habits dying hard as we struggled to keep possession and switched off for Nasri's goal, but definitely a better result than all the doom and gloom merchants had predicted. We'd have all taken a point from this at the start of the day.

The start of the day had the wife making a point at me - I'd put some chicken legs in late last night to cook off, but went on xbox, forgot and then woke up to her calling me a fucking idiot and finding little Egyptian mummies in the roasting bag, the house smelling of an open grave and the oven spluttering. Definitely taking a point from her, never mind the French. Then after she'd left us lads to it, we popped out and lugged a crate of Carling Zest home from Sainsburys under the bairns buggy. Then resplendent in our matching 2010-11 England 'non competiton' replica home shirts, we sat playing and whiling the afternoon away waiting for the big moment. Well I did, but Jakey is 18 months old and didn't really grasp the whole 'first tournament' thing. Plus he had a bit of a dicky tum and a cold so was a bit twisty by 5pm. Although did get a decent photo of him stood for God Save the Queen, although disappointing he had to have his dummy in. Twist.

Then as a family it was pizza, a beer each (fruit shoot for the bairn) and viewing a decent England tournament opener. One point on the board, we'll see what happens in the other match tonight and then two easy (on paper) games against Sweden and the Ukraine. Will it be same old excruciating England or the start of when things finally change...

Guide to being a Dad

It's been nearly 7 weeks now, thought I'd share some things I've discovered on the rollercoaster journey of being a Dad...

Joe is your Friend
Get the coffee in. Drink it, smoke it, stick it on a spoon, burn and then inhale it. Or even take in a nice cheeky line of the finest Kenco pure Colombian. Either way you're going to need a caffeine hit to get you through the first couple of days. And by first couple of days, I mean the next 16 years of your life.

Clobber Close Down
Lock up the Lacoste, stash away your Stone Island and bury that Barbour. No point wearing owt decent for the foreseeable, what with drool, sick, piss and shit (although I'm used to that after a night out on North Road). High street the order of the day, stuff you don't mind getting wrecked - George, BHS and Primark. Real piss poor gear. And Penguin.

Brainwashing

Don't be afraid to inflict your beliefs on your offspring. Jake is only 50 odd days old and already supports Hartlepool United, likes his clothes, votes Labour and has a Nectar card.

Background Reading

Do your research before he arrives and read books on baby's, their behaviour and illnesses etc. I didn't and have regretted it. But I did read 'Hallelujah'. So I know nowt about the little mans behaviour, but I do know plenty about Shaun Ryder's on the Mondays '99 reunion tour. And that is invaluable.

Talk Talk
None of that baby talk rubbish, chat for real with your lad. You want a good natter as soon as he can - about Pools squad rotation, Nick Clegg being a cunt and the quality of latest Adidas reissues. What else are you going to do? Talk to the wife? Give over.

4am TV

When up in the early hours, embrace the chance to see the watershed in reverse. The other night I watched the tail end of Enemy at the Gate followed by Thomas the Tank Engine. And if you fancy being risque - the top end freeview channels have muted crack whores girating for the camera in their skiddies, talking to some night porter getting his rocks off on the other end of the phone. Showings finish 6am. And are then followed by Peppa Pig. She keeps her clothes on though. Disappointing.