Bobble Hat Goalkeeper

Jens Martin Knudsen. Everyone used to laugh at the Faroe Islands keeper and his silly trademark bobble hat. No player had ever worn a bobble on the field of play before or since, but Jens persistently kept his on despite ridicule. Looking back though, Europe's whipping boys comedy custodian was just a bobble hat connoisseur, showing true oneupmanship in the face of the haters. And also Austria's front line in 1990.

Mundial

Mundial magazine. A one off mag that celebrates everything good about the world cup - the clobber, the stickers, the underdogs, the memories and even the dopey mascots.

Has to be said I thought this magazine, despite being produced by the likes of STAND, Proper and CC, would be (like most of the tournaments England have taken part in) a bit disappointing. The hype surrounding the mag, like any World Cup the Three Lions enter, was unbelievable and I didn't think Mundial could live up it, even with the list of credible contributors.

But I'm literally blown away by it, it's as satisfying as a Scotland defeat to Costa Rica. Only 2014 copies world wide which are each named after a player from World Cup history. I've landed 1315 Toni Turek. A German keeper from days of old. Disappointed it wasn't Gazza. But he did make an appearance in the excellent CC/Peter O'Toole collectors cards, twice. And unlike Gazza there'll only be tears of joy with this mag.

Ireland v England 1995

Club and Country

Hartlepool are almost rock bottom at the moment. 23rd propped up only by Bury. Seven points on the board. Rumour has it that there's a split in the camp. Since Cooper returned training schedules and times have changed, and a certain section of the squad are unhappy about this. I've had it on good authority that it's the Yorkshire based players who are causing the bother, they're traveling up, rabbiting in the car and not pulling their weight on the pitch. Player Power. Trying to get the manager sacked. However as chairman Ken Hodcroft has shown in the past with Chris Turner, he'll not pull the trigger irrationally when it's one of his pals in charge. And Cooper is a mate after what he achieved first time round at the club. So they've had the discussion and his job is safe. It could be a transfer overhaul come January - presuming Coops manages to chalk up enough points to keep the fans off his back. The big six pointer comes next Tuesday away at Bury...

So with Pools being, quite frankly, shite, watching your country might provide a welcome break. Me old man won a couple of San Marino tickets in the golf so cheap hotel and rail tickets booked and Oyster cards topped up, off we went. Looked forward to it with a new found sense of optimism not had since the early Sven days. Watching England back then was exciting, the so called 'Golden Generation' were going to win WC 2002, Euro 2004 and WC 2006 etc (for those who don't know the result - they didn't) and home games were played around the country, bringing the Three Lions to new England fans. However the Golden Generation are now Golden Oldies and the new lot don't look all that. Recent tournaments have been a disgrace and tactics poor. However when John 'I'm not racist' Terry (You are), captain and cunt, retires, then being England is something to be proud of again. And I guess others felt the same as Wembley was a sell out against a team of computer salesmen and bus drivers.

The new Wembley. Been before for 2008 Carling Cup final. It's a smashing stadium. And going against my AMF principles, we were actually in the posh seats. Not my fault, they were free. But it felt strange having a padded seat, leg room and a cup holder. However the view was unobstructed and clear, so settled down in some comfort. Got annoyed at half time though when went off to find a bovril and could only fine bottles of wine, Champagne or Coke at £3.

There was a lot of noise in the stadium prior to kick off but the carnival atmosphere gave way to the England band drumming, mexican waves and the biggest cheers reserved for Joe Hart touching the ball. Not the greatest of spectacles although my Spurs supporting Dad had a good chuckle when Walcott was taken off for what can only be described as a severe winding. For fucks sake a rugby player the other week ruptured a  bollock in the opening minutes, carried on for 70 minutes and then had to have it removed. Walcott runs into the goalkeepers flying arse and has to be stretchered off and sent home.

San Marino parked the bus. Presumably their centre half using his day job experience there. Ten men in front of the goal and a surprising competant goalkeeper (who could and maybe should have been sent off). Job done in the end, five goals - worryingly less than both previous games against SM under Turnip Taylor - however didn't jump up for one. What was the point? We knew they were coming and were expected, so not going to jump around like a nut. First time I've not jumped up for goals since said 2008 Carling Cup final when me and said Spurs fan dad were in the Chelsea end. Said John Terry played that day too. Said racist.

Was good to see them live at Wembley. But enjoyable? Not really. And then drawing in Poland yesterday has brought me back down to earth with a bump. Hartlepool. England. Both shite. Football. It's a fucking joyless experience sometimes.

England v Sweden

At the end of the day it wouldn't be a true England tournament performance if we didn't do things the hard way. Or use the phrase 'at the end of the day'. The English were to prevail against the swedes and get the victory - it was a foregone conclusion according to messrs Hansen, Shearer and Dixon prior to the match. What insider knowledge they had I'm unsure given they were sat in Salford.

Same old England for the majority of it though. Blind optimism after a well taken header by Carroll followed by typical sloppy showing from the lions, losing possession too easily and failing to dictate the pace of play. After scoring the first it was similar to going a goal up against the French, defence sitting too deep and not closing down anyone on the edge of the area. Managed to limp to half time. 1-0.

For a team supposedly building from the back with a strong defence, England didn't half look shaky and the part time Swedes exposed this twice. The first goal was a comedy of errors and the second from static grounded defenders and lack of communication from the keeper. Any confidence gained by resolute defending vs. France, gone in two moments of madness against the unfancied Swedes. 1-2.

But then Hodgson showed tactical guile bringing on Theo Walcott. The lad has been waiting for his chance in a tournament to come. But on the flip side of that, England have been waiting for him to arrive at a tournament. Still living off his hatrick against Croatia in an ill fated qualification campaign, Mark Lawrenson rightly said 'it's time to shine'. And shine he did. Second touch he hit a decent effort on target which completely eluded eight yellow shirts and wrong footed the keeper. 2-2. Shortly after that he dashed through the defence to play a quick square ball for Welbeck to expertly bundle home. 3-2.

Four points out of six will surely see us through, but after this performance it's back to pessimism. If we play like this against the likes of Spain or Germany, what'll happen? Food for thought. However back to tonight, a victory is a victory even if you do things the hard way, and England showed us just why we love them and hate them in the space of 90 minutes.

England v France

Well that was better than expected eh? Roy Hodgson's Three Lions putting in a fairly solid performance against the French. Well taken goal by Lescott, Young and Welbeck bright as buttons up front, Parker running himself into the ground and Milner going close. Not a vintage performance by any means, old England habits dying hard as we struggled to keep possession and switched off for Nasri's goal, but definitely a better result than all the doom and gloom merchants had predicted. We'd have all taken a point from this at the start of the day.

The start of the day had the wife making a point at me - I'd put some chicken legs in late last night to cook off, but went on xbox, forgot and then woke up to her calling me a fucking idiot and finding little Egyptian mummies in the roasting bag, the house smelling of an open grave and the oven spluttering. Definitely taking a point from her, never mind the French. Then after she'd left us lads to it, we popped out and lugged a crate of Carling Zest home from Sainsburys under the bairns buggy. Then resplendent in our matching 2010-11 England 'non competiton' replica home shirts, we sat playing and whiling the afternoon away waiting for the big moment. Well I did, but Jakey is 18 months old and didn't really grasp the whole 'first tournament' thing. Plus he had a bit of a dicky tum and a cold so was a bit twisty by 5pm. Although did get a decent photo of him stood for God Save the Queen, although disappointing he had to have his dummy in. Twist.

Then as a family it was pizza, a beer each (fruit shoot for the bairn) and viewing a decent England tournament opener. One point on the board, we'll see what happens in the other match tonight and then two easy (on paper) games against Sweden and the Ukraine. Will it be same old excruciating England or the start of when things finally change...

Euros Skeptic

Euro 92 - Swedes 2 Turnips 1

English disease in Malmo

96 - Penalty defeat to Germans again

The nearly men

Tears of a Clown

2000 - Exit Finger

2004 - Rooney goes home injured...

And the hopes of a nation go with that Penalty.

2008 - Mishap

Didn't even make it.