The Beard Emporium

My wife struggles to buy me presents. If I'm honest I'm fairly boring so gifts tend to centre round alcohol (beer sets), film (DVD and Blueys - that's BluRays, not porn. Although I do like it. But she doesn't know about that) and reading (books, not the town). So pretty run of the mill stuff, although I'm not at all ungrateful.

This year on my birthday, to avoid the mundane, she decided to think outside the box in order to get me the perfect gift. She said to herself "What does he really love?"

"The Kids" - true enough, we achieved what Henry VIII couldn't by 200% and have two cracking healthy sons. And she couldn't get me another. Well, she could but it would take 9 months and wouldn't really be a present. Just a fucking chore.

"Me!" (Her) - again true enough, I do love her (in a way). Particularly in a few compromising positions picked up via blueys (that's porn, not BluRays).

"His beard!" - yes! Although it's only a few months old I've become to cherish my manly facial hair. Good call. So after a bit of googling she found the Beard Emporium and promptly picked up a gift card as my gift.

 Established this year the Emporium provides all the goodies needed to keep your beard fresh and healthy, with a scoop of wax and a few drops of woody smelling manliness combed through.

After a good deal of pondering about what was right for me, I opted for The Bowler Hat gift set. A smashing box of tricks for the beginner with a box cut. Contains beard balm conditioner to make your bush as soft as a cats belly, some moustache wax aimed to keep your RAF tasche stiff upper lipped, and a lovely little Kent comb that combs it all in. And lice out. My favourite item though is the rather alluring beard oil - makes it smell like you're wandering round a Scandinavian forest all in the comfort of your own bathroom.

So the Beard Emporium is the one stop online shop for artisan bits and pieces for splendid beards. It won't come cheap though, but then I'm a great man, with a great beard.

And I'm worth it.

Faconnable

I'm a bit Facc'd up me...

adidas Ardwick

With its sunkissed railway arches, blissfully unhappy inhabitants and laid back approach to everything, Ardwick is the new California . Limited to 500, available from Oi Polloi at the end of the month.

Hooligan Weekly

In the days before mobile phones and internet forums how was the young, upwardly mobile dressers able to keep up with their firms' meets? What train was the designated? What clobber was in, and, more importantly, out? The answer is simple. A hastily drawn up and crude handwritten newsletter, complete with a small charge to cover the effort, and expense of photocopying at the local newsagents.

These are both examples from Motherwell's SS firms heyday, taken from Callum Bell's excellent book Saturday is Service Day - which was a bit of a wordy rather than picturey forerunner to the recent 'Dressers'.