Modern Football is Rubbish

 

#AMF

Club and Country

Hartlepool are almost rock bottom at the moment. 23rd propped up only by Bury. Seven points on the board. Rumour has it that there's a split in the camp. Since Cooper returned training schedules and times have changed, and a certain section of the squad are unhappy about this. I've had it on good authority that it's the Yorkshire based players who are causing the bother, they're traveling up, rabbiting in the car and not pulling their weight on the pitch. Player Power. Trying to get the manager sacked. However as chairman Ken Hodcroft has shown in the past with Chris Turner, he'll not pull the trigger irrationally when it's one of his pals in charge. And Cooper is a mate after what he achieved first time round at the club. So they've had the discussion and his job is safe. It could be a transfer overhaul come January - presuming Coops manages to chalk up enough points to keep the fans off his back. The big six pointer comes next Tuesday away at Bury...

So with Pools being, quite frankly, shite, watching your country might provide a welcome break. Me old man won a couple of San Marino tickets in the golf so cheap hotel and rail tickets booked and Oyster cards topped up, off we went. Looked forward to it with a new found sense of optimism not had since the early Sven days. Watching England back then was exciting, the so called 'Golden Generation' were going to win WC 2002, Euro 2004 and WC 2006 etc (for those who don't know the result - they didn't) and home games were played around the country, bringing the Three Lions to new England fans. However the Golden Generation are now Golden Oldies and the new lot don't look all that. Recent tournaments have been a disgrace and tactics poor. However when John 'I'm not racist' Terry (You are), captain and cunt, retires, then being England is something to be proud of again. And I guess others felt the same as Wembley was a sell out against a team of computer salesmen and bus drivers.

The new Wembley. Been before for 2008 Carling Cup final. It's a smashing stadium. And going against my AMF principles, we were actually in the posh seats. Not my fault, they were free. But it felt strange having a padded seat, leg room and a cup holder. However the view was unobstructed and clear, so settled down in some comfort. Got annoyed at half time though when went off to find a bovril and could only fine bottles of wine, Champagne or Coke at £3.

There was a lot of noise in the stadium prior to kick off but the carnival atmosphere gave way to the England band drumming, mexican waves and the biggest cheers reserved for Joe Hart touching the ball. Not the greatest of spectacles although my Spurs supporting Dad had a good chuckle when Walcott was taken off for what can only be described as a severe winding. For fucks sake a rugby player the other week ruptured a  bollock in the opening minutes, carried on for 70 minutes and then had to have it removed. Walcott runs into the goalkeepers flying arse and has to be stretchered off and sent home.

San Marino parked the bus. Presumably their centre half using his day job experience there. Ten men in front of the goal and a surprising competant goalkeeper (who could and maybe should have been sent off). Job done in the end, five goals - worryingly less than both previous games against SM under Turnip Taylor - however didn't jump up for one. What was the point? We knew they were coming and were expected, so not going to jump around like a nut. First time I've not jumped up for goals since said 2008 Carling Cup final when me and said Spurs fan dad were in the Chelsea end. Said John Terry played that day too. Said racist.

Was good to see them live at Wembley. But enjoyable? Not really. And then drawing in Poland yesterday has brought me back down to earth with a bump. Hartlepool. England. Both shite. Football. It's a fucking joyless experience sometimes.

Chas Smash

The iconic 7th member of Madness, responsible for funky footwork and shouty secondary vocals, has his own website (currently under construction) giving you the insight in what it's like being Chas Smash. Be it performing on top of Buckingham Palace roof or the in Olympic stadia to ordinary life with family and friends, the website will offer you a backstage pass to the original, and slightly less drugged up, Bez...

www.chas-smash.com

Hell's Waiting Room

Some of London's finest, and most notorious, Modernist estates...

The Aylesbury

Rowley Walk, South Hampstead

Brunswick, Camden

Brunswick Cinema

Heygate

Barbican

Barbican

Barbican Towers

Only Pools and Norses

Hartlepool have been owned by Norwegian based oil company Increased Oil Recovery (IOR) for nearly fifteen years now. And throughout those years the Pools ranks have often been occupied by Scandinavian players with unpronounceable names. Most of them came over in the late 90s when Pools desperately needed reshaping but the odd Norse pops up even today. I've got them all here, all with varying degrees of success - the top ten Poolie Norwegians.

10) Tommy Knarvik

Probably the best Norwegian never to play for United. U21 international Tommy arrived on trial in the summer of 2001 after his release from Leeds United. He made only two league appearances for Leeds, which was considerably more than he made for us. Presumably we couldn't afford him as he went home to Norway and played for some big clubs over there including Brann and Viking. Still currently playing for Bodo/Glimt, with some 250 plus total Tippelagen games to his name.

9) Stig Olav Larsen
One of the first players of the viking invasion of 1997, yet the one who made the least impact. Surprising as he seemed to fit the ideals of at late 90s division three striker - big and strong with little skill. On loan to us from Fana IL in December 1997 he made only 5 appearance, all as sub. Released May 1998

8) Rune Vindheim
A central defender who I always thought was dutch for some reason. Was the only norwegan to arrive at Hartlepool from another English club - Burnley. He'd been plying his trade in his home country with Brann, Sogndal and Fana before arriving at Turf Moor in 98/99. He made only eight appearances for the Clarets, making his debut at Maine Road and his last at in a local derby with Preston. He also managed to net two goals. He came to Pools at the start of 99/00 on a short term contract to cover the injured Gary Strodder, and made his debut in a 3-0 win over Plymouth. He played fairly well in his seven starts without really standing out. Boss Chris Turner tried to sort him out with a longer term deal but negotiations didn't go well, and by that time Strodder was back and Chris Westwood outstanding, so Rune's contract was allowed to expire. He returned to Norway and later became manager of Fana in 2010.

7) Thomas Tennebo
One word to some this lad up. Unfortunate. Yet another player to arrive from Fana in summer 1999, this central midfielder looked very promising in his three week trial. Made a superb debut away at Carlisle and took only three minutes to make the assist for the opening goal. Didn't play much after that, picking up a horrendous knee injury that kept him out the rest of 99/00. He returned to play another ten games of so but didn't look the same and returned home to Fana in 2001. Still turning out for Arstad IL where he's been since 2008.

6) Jon Andre Fredriksen
One of the more recent vikings to play for United. Having played for Rade and Moss, he arrived at Pools from Sarpsborg in summer 2009. A midfielder who could be used in middle or on the left, I saw him play Sheff Wed in a friendly I could tell he wouldn't be with us long. Looked too slight and not strong enough for League One. Didn't see him play again after that, but think I was proven right as he made only 12 appearances before his contract was mutually terminated in October 2010. Returned home to Moss.

5) Tim Sperrevik
A big strong striker gave the Pools defence a torrid time in a pre-season friendly at Fana. He duly arrived on trial at Pools and was given a two year contract. Failed to find the form he had showed playing against Pools and struggled to settle in England. Was given a fair few chances in the team, four starts and 11 subs and scoring just once. 'Spunky' though became a bit of a cult hero of mine though, as he always tried his hardest. Despite failing to settle in this country he picked up the swear words easily, which he showed when he was sent off at Brighton for verbally abusing the ref. Returned home to Fana.

4) Armann Bjornsson
Ok I'm cheating a bit here - Bjornsson is Icelandic - but I was struggling for ten Norwegians, but he's still a Scandinavian. Albeit not the best. I remember being fairly excited when he came to us. Had played for some big Scandinavian clubs in Lillestrom, Bran and FH and had a few international caps to his name, plus I'd signed him once on Champ Man and had done pretty well. Made his debut in a 1-1 draw with Wycombe in 2009. Scored his first goal at Elland Road, Pools only of the game. Unfortunately Leeds scored four. After pre-season 2010 Chris Turner pinned hopes of him becoming the big target man Pools had required for a good number of years, and he started in the first game of the season away at Rochdale. And was shit. By far the worst player in Pools colours. Made only 18 appearances for Pools, scoring three. Was voted in a FourFourTwo supplement recently as Hartlepool's worst ever foreign player. And he made it into my top five. Shows the calibre of the Norwegians who have turned out for us...

3) Rune Lange
Certainly the one of the biggest names to played for Hartlepool and he makes it into the top three on reputation only, not what he did in a United shirt. Was a big name in Norway and had played at the highest level in Turkey with Trabzonspor and in Belgium with Club Brugge. In fact with Brugge he'd netted some 50 odd goals in just over a hundred appearances, winning his sole international cap whilst there. He came to Pools from Valerenga in 2008/09 and the 32 year old target man looked promising in draws with Walsall and Leicester. He scored against MK Dons but his shoulder was badly injured in the same game and that was the end of his Pools career. He returned to fitness but was not offered a new contract. A shame.

2) Martin Hollund
Former U21 international Martin arrived from Brann on a free transfer in winter 1997 and finally put and end to Pools goalkeeping issues. Since 1995 we'd used about ten different custodians. He spent the first month at United without a contract but did enough to convince the board he was worthy of a deal. Made a solid debut in a 2-0 over Barnet, the first of 117 Poolie games between the sticks. A good shot stopper with superb reactions, however was indecisive when coming out to catch crosses. Had a minor blip in 1998/99 when Pools were rock bottom of the league and was suffering with low confidence - boss Mick Tait told Hollund he had no future at Hartlepool, opting to play Tasmanian Simon Miotto instead. Eight games later Tait was sacked and caretaker boss Brian Honour reinstated Hollund and with some solid appearances helped us avoid relegation. Eventually ousted of first team duties by Tony Williams in 2001, he transferred to home country club Lov-Ham as keeper, but also curiously playing as a striker for non league Bremnes IL. Retired in 2007 but due to lack of playing staff was Lov-Hams bench keeper in 2010 and made an apperance as sub in 2011 when their first choice was sent off. Holds the distinction of most appearances for a Norwegian for Pools. A legend.

1) Jan Ove Pedersen
Played only 17 games for Hartlepool but ask any Poolie who saw him play and they'll tell you he was pure class. Regularly features in Hartlepool best XI sides despite his low games tally. Arrived on loan from Brann during the Norway winter break, in order to keep fit and make a push for Norway's World Cup 98 squad. Don't think he ever made it to France but we're pleased he made it to French monkey hangering Hartlepool. A cultured midfielder who'd represented Norway at every international level from U15 to full seniors - 17 caps and a goal at full level - and it showed he was a class act, better than anyone Hartlepool had ever had  and arguably have had since. Looked a cut above the shower of shite surrounding him, and was made to look daft at times as the rest of the squad weren't on the same wave length. Still his skills shone through turning Pools fortunes around, as the relegation favourites took the league by storm...and finished 17th. Scored a quality goal at home to Darlo which sticks out in my mind. The fans wanted him to stay but it was never going to happen, and he went home to Brann. Summer 1999 Pools made a rather audacious attempt to bring Peds back, offering him £3000 a week and Brann £50k. But Brann stalled allowing Austrian side Bregnez to table a £60k bid and he promptly joined them, a club he would later go on to manage. The ultimate Hartlepool United cult hero (of any nationality).

Skinhead Moodboard

 

Concert Live

I first became aware of this company when waiting for Madness to come out at the arena in 2006. Adverts were plastered all over stating Concert Live were recording the gig and that'd it be copied, pressed and wrapped ready for purchase some 20 minutes after the Nutty Boys left their encore.

I bought the said CD, albeit later from their website. All the crowd chants, Suggs's cheeky banter and the interuption 30 seconds into NW5 (The biggest bra in the world was thrown on stage and they had to stop playing such was their mirth) were all on there. A great momento of the evening because  let's be honest, for as much as you enjoyed yourself, you'd had one or three beforehand, everything is a bit fuzzy during and then you struggle to remember the track listing the next day.

Imagine my delight when on the recent Mondays reunion they were doing the same. Not at every venue like Madness but just the close gig at Brixton. Good enough for me, same setlist and quality tunes as were played at Newcastle for their opening night. Shaun Ryder's sweary banter inbetween songs and Rowetta's sexy grunting on 'Bobs Your Uncle' were all there and similar in London as it was to Toon. Greatest hits meets Pills N Thrills plus unoriginal line up gem Jellybean. Superb for fifteen quid, reliving one of the best gigs I've been too whilst on iPod on way to work.

1. Loose Fit
2. Kinky Afro
3. Dennis and Lois
4. Donovan
5. God's Cop
6. Judge Fudge
7. 24 Hour Party People
8. Rave On
9. Cowboy Dave
10. Hallelujah
11. Bob's Yer Uncle
12. Holiday
13. Mad Cyril
14. Step On
15. Jellybean
16. W.F.L