Recent Purchases

Had a good rummage round in local TKMs and come away with a few choice bargains. Picked up a couple of Faconnable shirts for £13 each - nice casual blue check effort and a dressy stripey number for nights out on town. Pleased as punch with these, quality shirts for sweet FA.

Also got these OTS shoes for less than a tenner. Have instantly become my favourite shoes. Class look to them and go with everything. Have been obsessed with shoes since finding out I was to be a dad, as didn't want to look a proper chav in trainees all the time. Outed loads of trainers last autumn and got some Duffer Yogi and a few pairs of Pointers. But these are literally the dogs.

Finally could get some stick for this one - a Pretty Green shirt. Was in January sale and with that tenner e-voucher mentioned earlier, had it down from 70 notes to 39. Still a canny few bob for a shirt from a label most wouldn't touch with a barge pole, however I really like this colourway - brown, navy and blues. Was pleasantly surprised with the fit as I was expecting slim fit, but no, a true XL. Only criticism is that it could be an inch longer. And also that they've dropped the price by a tenner again, so could re-imburse me. However having a look into other colours now they're 28 quid - even though the service was less than perfect - sending a large first time around. Get it sorted Gallagher.

Guide to being a Dad

It's been nearly 7 weeks now, thought I'd share some things I've discovered on the rollercoaster journey of being a Dad...

Joe is your Friend
Get the coffee in. Drink it, smoke it, stick it on a spoon, burn and then inhale it. Or even take in a nice cheeky line of the finest Kenco pure Colombian. Either way you're going to need a caffeine hit to get you through the first couple of days. And by first couple of days, I mean the next 16 years of your life.

Clobber Close Down
Lock up the Lacoste, stash away your Stone Island and bury that Barbour. No point wearing owt decent for the foreseeable, what with drool, sick, piss and shit (although I'm used to that after a night out on North Road). High street the order of the day, stuff you don't mind getting wrecked - George, BHS and Primark. Real piss poor gear. And Penguin.

Brainwashing

Don't be afraid to inflict your beliefs on your offspring. Jake is only 50 odd days old and already supports Hartlepool United, likes his clothes, votes Labour and has a Nectar card.

Background Reading

Do your research before he arrives and read books on baby's, their behaviour and illnesses etc. I didn't and have regretted it. But I did read 'Hallelujah'. So I know nowt about the little mans behaviour, but I do know plenty about Shaun Ryder's on the Mondays '99 reunion tour. And that is invaluable.

Talk Talk
None of that baby talk rubbish, chat for real with your lad. You want a good natter as soon as he can - about Pools squad rotation, Nick Clegg being a cunt and the quality of latest Adidas reissues. What else are you going to do? Talk to the wife? Give over.

4am TV

When up in the early hours, embrace the chance to see the watershed in reverse. The other night I watched the tail end of Enemy at the Gate followed by Thomas the Tank Engine. And if you fancy being risque - the top end freeview channels have muted crack whores girating for the camera in their skiddies, talking to some night porter getting his rocks off on the other end of the phone. Showings finish 6am. And are then followed by Peppa Pig. She keeps her clothes on though. Disappointing.

Nutty Boys Remastered

Have all of Madness' albums in my substantial CD collection, but have recently gone back and replaced 'One Step Beyond' and 'Absolutely' (both bought in early 1990s and a bit tatty now) with their new remastered double CDs - containing the original album and another cd chock full of rarities.

One Step Beyond
Cracking debut album, up there in my top five albums of all time, containing classic Madness tracks like Night Boat, My Girl, Bed & Breakfast man, and of course the albums title track. Other gems combine bouncy fairground music mixed with some ather dark subject matter - Paedophilia (Mummys Boy), a lingerie sniffer (Middle of the Night) and ;ads in borstal (Land of Hope and Glory). The second CD is well worth having for the four John Peel sessions tracks - a CD by itself I've seen go for £50 on eBay. Or you can have it for £7.99 with One Step Beyond. Top notch.

Absolutely
Nutty boys second album. Was my second favourite until 1999s 'Wonderful' and the recent 'Liberty of Norton Folgate' blew it out of the water. Still a pretty good album, with a good looking cover sleeve of the lads outside Chalk Farm tube. Wouldn't have bothered upgrading this, until I saw the second CD - a full live performance from early 80s. Was obviously before my time so It's great to hear them in their heyday, performing tracks that they'd never pull out when on tour these days - the likes of E.R.N.I.E, Close Escape, Disappear and Rockin' in a Flat. Great stuff, well worth buying just for the live CD.

T

My Top 5 Madness Albums
1) One Step Beyond
2) Liberty of Norton Folgate
3) Wonderful
4) Absolutely
5) Keep Moving